A Confession of a Guilty Hypertensive Mother...

Everdearest Elle,

You may not be able to understand now what I am telling you but once you do, i want you to know that i love you so. You are the greatest gift God has given me. Having you validates the intensity of God's love... Your presence tell me that having faith in God is the only thing that I should have in life.

I love your Papa even before you came but now that I have you... I love him even more and everyday I look at him with gratefulness for all the things that he had to give up just for me and you. We could have ended separately in another person's arms; have a baby girl and name her Elle Marie but I know that she would not be as beautiful, good and intelligent as you, my Elle Marie Oplas.

I would give up anything just for you.

Last week my doctor told me that i am hypertensive. I know it's coming but I never thought it would arrive this soon. The first thing that came in to my mind is You... that I should review all the food that I am giving you. I should not give you food with so much msg, too much sugar, too oily... I should engage you more with physical activities so that you will not end up like your couch potato mama... I want you to develop your Papa's energy, go dancing as if it's your last day on earth; go mountain hiking; conquer mt pinatubo, mt pulag... The second thing that entered my mind is your Papa... i know that he will make fun of me because considering my persistence for him to have his back bones checked, I was the one ended up sick! I kept on worrying about his age but it never entered my mind that he could be more healthier than I am.

Last Friday, I told myself that I will give up my sedentary lifestyle and "junk" food cravings. I will break up with Ronald McDonald just for you and you alone Elle... Not even your papa was able to make me do it but for you, i will.

Elle, there are things that I know I should control. Like my food intake, my physical activities, my mind set, the way i speak and most of all my patience...

I was not patient with you last night. I spank you once but very lightly. And, from the look that you gave me, you were surprised as i am and could not believe that I am capable of doing it.

Yes, Elle I did it. But, it does not mean I love you less.

Elle, I am really sorry. I know that I should have been more patient with you considering your age. I know that you did not mean to cause me stress; I should have been more patient with you because you are just exploring; trying to see your capabilities, power and strength.

Elle, I am really sorry. Please forgive me...

Last night I stayed up late crying and crying because I know that i disappointed you. You just don't know how hurt i was when you tried to mimic my spank and would not face me. I really did not mean to hurt you.

Elle, I am really sorry. Please forgive me...

This morning, I really waited for you to wake up and see if you can still remember what happened last night. I was really when you gave me a ready BIG smile!!! I am happy because I know that you have given me another chance to show what I can give up for you... and I am giving up impatience... For you, for myself and for our future, I will try to be more patient; think twice before speaking or acting; count 1 to 100 before i do anything in haste...

Elle, I am really sorry. Please believe me.

I love you Elle...

I love your Papa...



Your one and only
Mama